When the Seas Roar

Friday morning, March 15th 2019, I was laying in bed, determined not to get out of my warm cocoon until the last possible moment, when my son burst in the room, "An FMC nurse wants to talk to you."  It took a few seconds to register, but then the alarm went off in my head.  The voice on the other end of my phone sounded worried, "We have Jay in emergency.  It appears he is having a stroke.  We have given him clot busting medication and are having him life flighted to OSU.  If you leave now, you may be able to see him before they take off."

I don't remember getting dressed but I ended up in the ER just moments before they whisked him off to the helicopter waiting for him on the roof of the hospital.   Thankfully, my son was home from college on Spring Break and could drive me the 45 minutes to the hospital.  I was greeted at OSU by a neuro surgeon.  "Jay has a clot in his brain.  He will have the best outcome if we go in and remove it."  10 minutes later he was having surgery to remove the clot.

My first reaction, after praying with family for God to guide the surgeon's hand and give us all strength to get through the next days, was "What the heck, God?  I thought you and I had a deal.  I thought losing my first husband 20 years earlier was my get out of jail card.  You know, I served my time, learned a lot of lessons and now life is supposed to be mostly smooth sailing."  I've always had a very honest relationship with Jesus, I was mad and I let him know it.  Even so, I prayed continually and leaned into his strength, knowing He would forgive me of my doubt and anger.

It has now been just over 5 weeks since Jay's stroke.  It's been an emotionally intense time of ups and downs.  We were initially told that the brain damage looked very minimal and expected very quick improvement.  However, later scans showed a relatively small area of damage but in a location crucial to left sided movement.  The brain is an amazing organ.  When it is injured, it will begin to form new neural pathways to restore healing.  Sometimes other parts of the brain will take over the functions that have been damaged.  Recovery doesn't happen overnight but with hours, weeks, months and even years of therapies.

Tomorrow, I get to bring Jay home.  Railings have been installed in the garage.  Grab bars and shower chairs in the bathroom.  We are excited to begin outpatient therapy.  Jay can now walk with a quad cane, AFO and contact assist for over 100 feet.  His thinking is clearer and focus is much better.  His attitude is amazing.  He's determined to work hard and recover.  His left arm still has very little movement, but OT will continue working with him to get that arm rewired.

At times, usually at night when I'm at home alone, worry starts creeping in.  The future is a complete mystery.  But then, God whispers to my spirit "You are not alone.  I am with you every step.  Rest in me.  My grace was not used up when Ken died.  My grace is new every day. I will work things in your life in great and amazing ways you cannot even imagine.  Rest in me."


Joshua 1:9  Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”