Stairway to Heaven

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This year has been a rollercoaster.  In my 52 years of life, I've never experienced so many highs and lows in such a short span of time.  My mom passed away quickly in October, my daughter told us she was expecting our first grandchild in November, my other daughter got engaged in February, my husband suffered a severe, debilitating stroke in March, my pregnant daughter had pregnancy complications in May and delivered a healthy, beautiful baby girl three weeks early in July- the same week my dad went into the hospital with internal bleeding of unknown origin.  Whew!  I get overwhelmed just reading through that again!

 During times like this I have to fight daily (sometimes hourly) for inner peace.  As someone prone to anxiety and panic attacks, I have found that no amount of deep breathing or meditation brings me the deep, abiding peace I seek (although they are useful tools) like drawing near to Jesus through prayer, scripture reading and listening to beautiful music.  When the outer storms of life threaten to pitch us into the roaring sea, Jesus is able to speak peace and calm into our innermost being.

 Although I usually experience the presence of Jesus as a quiet whisper, there have been a few times where He has blessed me with an experience of Him that is so powerful it takes my breath away.  20 years ago, after my first husband died, I had my first experience like this.  It had been a long day of taking care of my infant son and 4 and 5 year old daughters, paying bills, getting groceries, cooking, cleaning and I was feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders.  As I went to sleep that night, I was so overwhelmed with grief and life that I had no strength to pray so I just cried out, "Jesus, I don't even know what to pray, may the Holy Spirit pray on my behalf."  And with tears still drying on my cheeks, I fell asleep.

 Hours later, I woke up from a sound sleep with tears streaming down my face.  But this time they were tears of overwhelming JOY.  I had just dreamed that I was climbing a steep staircase and I had no more strength.  No matter how hard I tried, I could not take one more step.  But then JESUS REACHED HIS HAND DOWN and PULLED ME UP and INTO HIS ARMS!  The dream was so vivid and I awoke with the most amazing sense of peace and well being that all I could do in response was to praise God and cry tears of joy.  Jesus had let me know He heard my cry, He would be my strength, and I was more than ok.

 Since then, I have experienced Jesus in some very profound ways, but never in a dream like that.  I think He probably gives us these extraordinary experiences just when we need them the most- when we have come to the end of our own strength and peace and must fully rely and trust in Him.

 Whatever happens to be your steep staircase, rocking boat or terrifying roller coaster, I pray that God may speak His peace into your life today.

Philippians 4:7 English Standard Version (ESV)

7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Comments

  1. BulldogMathJuly 22, 2019 at 9:29 AM

    I didn't know you had a blog. Wow, it's been a long time since I saw my username of BulldogMath...lol. Anyway, I hear you and your story. When Brittany was going through all of her crohn's stuff our world was thrown into a tornado. (Ee didn't know it was crohn's, never heard of the word if we knew that was the diagnosis, and I was bombarded with phone calls from a doctor with the worse bedside manner saying this is serious and we must have all of these tests plus a CAT-scan before Christmas --- it was a week before Christmas at the time....and that doctor was naming all of these tests like I was in the medical profession instead of education. To us a CAT-scan was for the brain!) My boss was very kind and I was allowed to not go to any classes that day but I stayed at work repeating to myself, "Please let everything be okay, please let everything be okay." At the end of the day I decided to go to my last class. As I walked into the room a very clear voice said, "Everything will be okay." To this day I start to cry thinking about that clear and loud voice. I felt so happy and so relieved. It was like the rest of that day was decades ago and happiness and joy was in order for the day. Throughout all of Brittany's procedures back then and even today when something needs fixing, I remember those words and I am truly comforted.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LenneaJuly 22, 2019 at 2:23 PM

      Love that! I will never understand all God's ways and why he lets us go through difficult trials and ilnesses, but I know whenever I'm at the complete end of myself, He is there to pour out His love and peace. I know He doesn't always answer my prayers exactly how I want but I do truly believe He will either take a trial away, walk with us through it or take us home to Him- so everything will be ok!

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